There. I said it. Fast like pulling of a bandaid or something.
When I told my therapist how much I weighed I started crying. (Though at the time the number was 255.) I think it was the first time I had said it outloud. I felt silly crying in therapy over saying my weight out loud. I pay her not to be judgemental, right? Or actually maybe I pay her to be judgemental-- to tell me the real deal.
I've been contemplating this post for a while, but holding back on it because it feels scary. And then I read this interview from Donna Brazile. In the interview she is asked, "What's the hardest truth to tell?" and she answers, "One's current weight."
Hmmm... I had to ask myself why is that so scary? And the only answer I could come up with is because there is a whole lot of shame attached to it. I feel shame that I weigh so much and allow myself to be held back from things I care about. I feel shame that I let myself think that I don't look like I weigh that much, and convince myself that I can't lose weight. I feel shame because I know that diabetes and high blood pressure runs in my family and the only thing my family wants for me is to be healthy and happy and I still can't seem to lose the weight.
Shame is heavy.........
So... in honor of this being my little truth tube and in honor of working to remove shame, I am telling the truth about my current weight. And really I think the shame weighs so much more than the weight I want to lose.
I am proud of myself because I have started this journey (and feel super proud that since I started this journey, my number is now 251!) Yay for small victories.