I mentioned what a bounty of movement this weekend was! Two consecutive days of movement does indeed feel like a bounty to me! Progress!
On Sunday morning Coleen and I continued our exercise buddying and I was even able to convince my roomie Tami, to join us too. We headed back out to Kezar stadium to continue the interval training (running on the straight part of the track and walking on the curves). Our goal for Sunday was 3 miles, one more than we'd done last time.
I decided to try out my new sports armband. It's a little holder for your ipod or iphone since holding it my hands is not ideal for my new adventures in running.
I'm not convinced I love it yet. I think it'll just take some getting used to. The box said you're supposed to be able to operate the phone while it's in the case but I found the plastic to be too thick to use the touch screen. I also found it hilarious that I only had a Christmas mega mix that I had made for my holiday road tripping on my ipod. It had some really great songs but then every once in a while "Jingle Bell Rock" or some other random Christmas Carol would come on. Since I couldn't change the song without taking the ipod out of the case I just tried to hohoho my way through that track.
When I hit the track I was pretty confident that I could keep up with my intervals. I wasn't going to be sprinting so I just needed to run slow and steady. Loop one was a warm up walk followed by stretching. Check. Loop two we took off ran, walked, ran, walked and then did one more bit of stretching. Check. Loop three we ran our first interval and that's when I had to come to a screeching halt. Despite our warming up and our stretching, I got a massive pain in my left shin. It didn't feel like shin splints (something I'm all to familiar with from dancing on hard surfaces when I was in hs). It felt like a giant knot that was gripping my calf and making it virtually impossible for me to move.
"Keep going. You can do it" I winced in pain and urged Coleen and Tami on. I hobbled around the track and stretched and wiggled. The outside of your left calf is a very hard place to stretch.
As Coleen and Tami lapped me, I suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious and embarrassed. Suddenly, it was as if all eyes were on me (they weren't), watching me wobble my fat self around the track. I gotta admit, my negative self talk was alive and well and convincing!
Coleen and Tami were waiting for me at the start of our next loop. They tried to be encouraging (they were). "Did you try stretching like this?" And they'd show me a stretch they'd come up with that might help ease the pain.
I was too in my head to really absorb their tlc. As we took off I felt... awful. Is that normal? I mean how could I be so on top of the world loving the incredible weather and the company of two of my favorite people and then the next second I'm doubting my ability to do this. This journey, this adventure... and even this next loop of the track.
Coleen and Tami caught up to me after their next lap and said it looked like I was supinating, where you're walking on the outsides of your foot. I'm sure I was. I was not concentrating on form I was just trying to walk out this cramp/ knot or whatever was going on with my leg. When you are feeling so self-conscious, you don't want to know your two friends are behind you watching your crappy form.
But then suddenly, I decided they were not behind me criticizing me. They were behind me cheering me on. Somehow in that moment I was able to reframe it. I was able to take that negative self-talk and shed it. I wasn't "B the fat girl" wobbling around the track who didn't belong here. I was just where I was supposed to be, taking one step at a time and moving forward, even when it got kind of tough. (I should point out that during this "reframing" John Legend was in my ear crooning "Let it Snow". It made for quite a moment).
I'd like to say that in that moment when I shed the negative self talk and fear that was gripping up my insides, my calf magically also ungripped and I was suddenly a graceful gazelle-like creature sprinting around the track. I wasn't. I had to stop about 3 more times to stretch and talk down my cramp, but eventually it did ease up and my hobbling turned into chugging and I finished our workout with a smile on my face.
It's gonna be a long journey, this losing weight and gaining self. But I just have to take one step at a time. Right?