I felt good about the choices I'd made that day with food and while my burrito was a treat, it was still on the healthier side with all the delicious grilled veggies and black rice. We ordered our favorites, got a punch on our frequent buyer card, and grabbed the number for our table.
Because these burritos are well known for their deliciousness the place is usually packed. But last night we were happy to discover there was an open table by the window. Hooray! We snagged the table, took of our layers of coats and scarves and hats and gloves (did I mention its SO cold in SF right now) and went to have a seat.
Well, as soon as I sat down I kind of let out a little gasp? Shriek? I didn't fit into the seat!!!!!!
I felt my face flush red because it was an awkward sound I made and also really, when did I stop fitting into the seats at one of my favorite eateries?After I'd recovered from the shock I noticed that indeed these were new seats! Some of the tables had these newer chairs with arms and some did not.
I've experienced that feeling before. The "I don't fit into this seat" panic. It really does feel like panic and for a split second it's kind of paralyzing, especially when it doesn't seem as if there are any other seating options around you. The other feeling that usually comes up is shame. As if I am solely to blame for not fitting into this seat and if I had just stopped eating so much and if I had been walking and if..... and on and on. That much negative self talk flooding all at once could paralyze anyone.
But not last night!
Without hesitation I manuevered my too small chair over to the bar and swapped it out with an armless chair. What's up with that Papalote? I mean come on, if you're gonna order new chairs do they have to be so painfully small? And I say that because yes I'm bigger than I want to be, but even my friend who is significantly smaller than I am said the arms kind of dug into her hips. (By the way, E if you just said that to be kind... thank you. I appreciated it).
What felt important about this moment really though was that I didn't stay in the seat that hurt me. Even though I was a little embarrased and surprised, I got up and switched out my chair and didn't think once about what the other peeps in the restaurant were going to think. It may seem like a small thing on the surface, but it felt like a brave and dare I say... hot moment.