Friday, January 14, 2011


Binge alert.

This morning was full of miscommunication and confusion. How is it possible I double book myself only to find out one of the appointments was actually written down wrong so I actually just ended up missing both? And since I'd rushed out of the house I hadn't eaten breakfast before my whirlwind of appointment missing.

After my flurry of a morning, a friend and I headed to a late breakfast. We finally settled on Brenda's, a delicious French Soul food restaurant, as our eatery of choice for this morning. How can a picture do such little justice to the deliciousness of a meal?

I got what sounded pretty healthy; a spicy veggie omelette. It was delicious... and so was the butter laden grits and fluffy, melt in your mouth biscuit, which was promptly topped with butter and fresh strawberry jam.

I had a plan! I was only going to eat half, similar to what I had done with my burrito at Papalote's. That night half was a perfect amount, I was totally satisfied and had half a burrito for the next day. But this morning I didn't let myself pay attention and so very soon I had eaten the whole breakfast and I was stuffed. Too much goodness I tell you.

The rest of the day was smoother but I still felt heavy from that breakfast. It was like I couldn't quite pause long enough to reset after that morning.

Then tonight, I decided I was too tired to fix dinner so I was going to have a quick bowl of cereal. I recently bought a smallish box of my new favorite cereal; Vanilla Almond cluster granola cereal from Trader Joe's. The plan was to have a little bit with my yogurt in the morning. It's such good cereal with amazing sweetness and crunchy granola clusters.

My one bowl turned into two. And then I just kind of kept going. At the end of it I'd eaten two big bowls and two little bowls. And it just so happens it was equal to the WHOLE box.

After my second bowl, when I reached for a small bowl I knew I was already full. And when I reached for the fourth... it's like I could see that pause button but couldn't... quite... pause long enough to press it. To make matters worse, when I looked on the box, my first bowl actually equaled 2 serving sizes. So my 4 servings were indeed equivalent to 8. At 220 calories and 8 grams of fat a serving, that is equal to 1, 760 and a whopping 64 grams of fat. Ironically, that is probably about how much my breakfast added up to. My two meals in that one day was equal to 2 days of food!

Tonight, eating was totally not hunger based; the first bowl yes, but the rest not at all. It was me checking out for the moment. I guess it worked because then all of my focus was now on the sadness of the great big ol cereal binge instead of any other emotion I was trying to navigate. Food really can feel like a comfort in the moment; but it's in those moments when it's comfort I'm longing for and not food to ease hunger that I need my pause button the most. Eat and enjoy the meal but not eat and eat and eat to check out.

Tomorrow I get to make a different choice.


  1. I just subscribed a few days ago, enjoying the openness in your writing so far...keep it up =)

    I can't speak for everyone, but personally I can relate to this problem. Sometimes I eat till I'm full, then double it just for good measure. There's something about being ridiculously over the top painfully full that always calls my name.

    My theory? You've got to get your mind out of 'eating' mode before going back for more...the hardest moment is the first one after the meal, but it just gets easier after that.

    This is not to imply that the first moment isn't a pain in the butt.

  2. Thanks John! It feels scary to be so honest sometimes but it's the only thing that will make this worth it I'm guessing.

    And yes! I was full on in eating mode, it's those moments I can find the pause button that I'm actually most satisfied. And the being over the top full may feel calming for a bit but then ultimately I feel yuck.

    Thank you for reading along and for your comment!